Whilst watching television in my front room a few months ago, I saw what could only described as the worst idea for a film. Ever. That film is ‘Marley & Me’.
As the months closed in to the films release, the hype from Hollywood grew and grew. Writers and celebs were doing nothing but blowing smoke up John Gorgan’s rear. I waited in anticipation for another true story to hit that £2.99 section in Tesco’s, alongside Van Dam films and disturbing 1980’s horror flicks.
Once again proved wrong by the big, flashy bright United States, Marley & Me hit our screens early 2009. I was then confronted with TV ad after TV ad for this film, with Johnathan Ross even telling me to go and see this film. D day had landed as I braced myself. After paying the usual £6 entrance fee and yet another £5 on food and drink, I entered the horror show.
The film starts off slowly by introducing the characters – John and Jenny – crudely played by Owen Wilson and Jeniffer Aniston respectively, possibly two of the most incompetent actors I’ve seen come out of the West coast for a number of years.
The story goes on and on about a dog named Marley (after the late Bob Marley) and how it is as incompetent as the actors in the film. Marley continues to destroy property, annoy the locals and generally be as much as a pain as a dog can be. After a short time, the dog gets older, with John and Jenny deciding to have a number of children, which in turn puts stress on the family and leads to Jenny leaving her job as a writer. I’m going to stop describing the film now as some of you somewhere might want to actually waste your money either seeing this film or buying the DVD when it’s released.
I have read review after review on this film and I’ve seen A+, 10 out of 10, work of art etc etc. To be quite honest, I’m not sure if the cinema I attended had the same copy. I can do nothing but cringe at the level of pain I went through to watch this film. Don’t get me wrong – I can handle most mushy love films, but this one really has done it for me.
It’s a true story about a man, his wife and a dog. Please spare me the pain and heartache to write anymore about this film. I’m awarding it the score that I am because I sympathise with whoever it was who had to endure directing this film. For you, Mr director, I salute you for your courage.
Marley & Me: 2/5
I appreciate the directness of this review; I’ve seen too many people that are afraid of some sort of hit to their credibility for openly stating disdain for a well-received film, and just go along with it.
I doubt it’s as good as Beethoven. That St. Bernard knew his comedy.