Pigeon Detectives - Wait For Me

Alex Turner, cheeky chappy of Arctic Monkeys fame, has given us so many things in the last few years; one of the greatest albums of 2006, probably the greatest song of 2007 so far…oh yes, and a hundred and a million talentless indie boy bands given a record contracts just because they sound ‘reet northern like’. Bastard. I would be tempted to say that the absurdly named Pigeon Detectives, were one of these bands; but as the recent review of Manchester MEN shows, they do have some live magic. It is a great shame therefore, that some of this energy doesn’t appear anywhere in their debut album, Wait For Me.The fact that The Pigeon Detectives are currently enjoying the number one spot on the NME chart proves that their must be something about this band that makes fifteen year olds across the country cream their pants, but what could it be? Oh yes that’s right, its probably their shameless ripping off of hardly obscure songs. Does album opener Romantic Type sound familiar? It should do; just last year it was released as ‘Doctors and Dealers’ by Dirty Pretty Things. The opening chords of I Found Out will be recognisable to anyone as being lifted from The Undertones ‘Teenage Kicks’ with little else of interest added throughout the rest of the track. It’s not all bad news on this front though; Stop and Go is an obvious tribute to The Strokes, but its skilfully merged with their otherwise unoriginal Sheffield sound to create something new. If I had any advice to The Pigeon Detectives, it would be to pursue this new original sound. That and to sort out their god-awful lyrics.

Seemingly aiming for the same ‘lads about town’ theme covered by Turner, whilst employing the purposely simplistic sounding lyrics of The Cribs second album, The Pigeon Detectives miss the mark by quite a long way. ‘I’m so in love with you/ I just don’t know what I should do’ is a cringe worthy way to begin Don’t Know How to Say Goodbye; this is followed by a series of meaningless obvious rhymes. Even more baffling, is how the singer always places the emphasis upon the last word of each line, as if rhyming ‘on’, ‘wrong’ and ‘gone’ is somehow competent. There are so many moments when it is clear filler words have been placed in to keep the rhythm, ‘You always say you’re right, but I know that sometimes that you surely must be wrong’ as is the case in I’m Always Right.

The majority of this album sounds like a clunky Cribs tribute record, with genuine incompetence for the respective instruments replacing The Cribs minimalist sound. Its important to note here that there are several instances of quite excellent guitar work from The Pigeon Detectives; Can’t Control Myself for example, has an excellent little guitar riff part way through, also the album closer features an ace bit of finger work. Alas, the vocal, bass, and drum parts will leave you cold.

You will know by this point that The Pigeon Detectives have created a spectacularly awful album, quite possibly the worst you will hear all year; this in itself seems worthy of some kind of award, or a good smack. Their latest single Take Her Back in particular is unforgivable. But do not completely write these upstarts off, as there are moments of almost genius and certain promise here. The incredible chorus from I’m Not Sorry lifts the song to the reaches of just above average. The lyrics of You Know I love You are as fine as any current band; ‘You know I love you/Take off your clothes/It’s alright/It’s alright’ it just doesn’t get any better. Title track Wait for Me similarly is perfectly competent if a little dull at times; but it’s You Better Not Look My Way which stands out as the greatest track on the record.

Despite these great moments, there is no doubt that anyone who is a fan of music should avoid this record at all costs. There’s no better way to describe it than woeful, laughably derivative and hackneyed. Go to see them live by all means, but don’t buy this record. Thanks a lot Alex Turner, you beautiful fucking wanker genius bastard

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